VooDoo

Well, today has certainly been a long day for both of us. Shea had a hard night last night, so it has made today seem extra hard and tiring. We were told that the scope would be at noon, so we were geared up and ready to go. Shea really hadn't slept very much, so I was very happy when she announced at 11 that she would like to take a nap. I readily agreed, and I jumped up on my air mattress and snuggled in. The last thing I did was look at the clock...it said 11:03. "Great, that should give us almost an hour" I thought as Shea turned out the light and I closed my eyes. All of a sudden, the light pinged back on and Shea said, "Wasn't that a great nap? I feel so much better!". I looked at the clock...it said 11:05....I kid you not! I said "Shea! You only had the light off for 2 minutes!" and she replied, "Really? I thought I had slept for at least 20 minutes! Are you sure?" I can promise you that at no time in my life have I mistaken 2 minutes in bed for 20...and I have been teasing her all day about it. She is very good natured and laughs along...even if she is only operating on a literal few minutes of sleep. The scope ended up being at 2:00, which meant that it didn't start until 3. That is the life of a Huntsman patient on the procedure waiting list. It isn't bad though, since they keep you entertained with drinks and reading material. Today I snuck out back of the hospital and defrosted on the patio. It was nice to lie on a lounger and feel the breeze blow gently across my face. Very peaceful and very calming. This week at the hospital has been a rough one for me. I am sure the good Lord is just shaking his head at me. I referenced the fact that I had 7 days of bitter....that has just turned into 14. I'm not bitter at the Lord, or the circumstances, per se....I am just planning on making a few voodoo dolls. I kid you not....I have been mentally planning the pattern for voodoo dolls in my head. I know those of you who know me know I talk a mean streak, but truthfully I'm usually all show and no go...so it is disconcerting to say the least that I am mentally planning on sewing up a couple of voodoo dolls. I think I have finally lost it. I even dreamed last night on whether they would have a pattern for them in Vogue or Butterick or Simplicity. I hope Simplicity, because I find them easier to sew LOL. And maybe instead of directing my bitterness outward....I SHOULD make a voodoo doll called Cancer. Then I could stick a pin in for the fact that she is only 23....and she is in pain....and I don't know the outcome....and I'm not patient...and somewhere in all of this is a lesson, but I am too big of a wimp/baby/stubborn butt to give a crap about what the lesson is. So....the state of affairs today is this; I AM full of hope and I AM full of gratitude for all I have and I AM cognizant of the fact that my blessings and happiness far, far outweigh the bad I am facing, but.....I still think I will bring out the sewing machine when I get home.