Perspective

We are finally home, and there is nothing better than your own bed to make the day seem better. It changes your perspective on life. And it's crazy how much of all of this boils down to perspective. Shea and I were discussing on the way home how hard it is to have cancer in our lives, but then we were able to talk about all of the ways we have changed for the better. For example....we know that on infusion days, having the private room with the bed is best. It doesn't matter to us that we have since learned that is where they put the prisoners when they come in for treatments (that way they can handcuff them to the bed and the poor person guarding them can take their turn on the folding chair/pseudo love seat...which is a punishment of its very own kind). So....private room and comfy bed during infusion=best case scenario for the day. When we were spending our week at Camp Huntsman, we also noticed that there were a couple of very nice rooms down the hall (remember my rubber-necking proclivities?). These rooms are very nice...best view of both city and mountains with a separate, private room with a BED for family members to stay in...close to the family showers and bathrooms...just what every family member hopes and wants ( at least I was craving it). Or so I thought. Come to find out....that is where you stay when your loved one really doesn't have much time left and they are trying to keep the family together and as comfortable as possible as they say their goodbyes. Boy did I feel like a jerk when I realized that I had been wondering and trying to figure out how they got the 'good stuff'. See the change in perspective? Now imagine how humbled I was when I realized the families on our floor had young children staying there...some not more than 5 or 6. One young boy was saying goodbye to Daddy while another little girl was saying goodbye to her Mom. That's a paradigm shift of epic proportions. To help the children stay busy and give the parents some time together, a baby bunny magically appeared one night on the floor (I won't say where it came from since bunnies are on the 'restricted' list...but a Fairy Godmother dropped in with it and it livened up the spirits of more than just the children that night). Simple little animal, simple little happy feelings=really big and profound feelings of gratitude and happiness mixed with the hard knowledge that nothing in this world is very simple, other than LOVE. That's as simple as it gets...everything else has some degree of complexity to it...but Love is essentially a simple thing. So....here's to perspective...and the realization that sometimes it takes a little bit of knowledge, or hardship or patience to gain a different perspective. I won't be worrying about who has "the good stuff"....I won't be worrying about how to "get the good stuff"....I'm just going to revel in the stuff I have. And that includes Shea's cancer. I don't have to love it, but I don't have to let it hurt me or destroy me or make me spend my days focusing on it. I really don't know if I'm accurately describing what I am thinking/feeling or if I am just "rambling" again, but there you are. It reminds me of a part in Schindler's List that I often think of. For those of you who have not seen the film, there is a part where a wealthy Jewish family has been moved into a ghetto. They are shown to an ugly, stone room that really isn't very big. The husband begins to get angry and his wife says "It could be worse." He starts to 'adult tantrum' and yells "How could it be worse?". Right then 3 other families walk in and announce that they will live in the room with the couple. The husband looks at the wife in disbelief and then they start to laugh. I like that part of the film because it reminds me that it can always, always get worse....and it reminds me to take time out in the midst of the ugly and the horrible to look at those you love and just laugh (and believe me...for some of us that's fairly easy). That's why I am happy to be home....and even more happy to be getting ready for bed and being able to listen to my husband and Nick sit in my bed and tell each other jokes....then Nick came and hunted me down to tell me the same set of jokes. In the past my eyes would have rolled over several of them, but this time I laughed...twice. Shea is also happy to be home. She is getting a lot of rest and doing really well. She is excited to get back on track with chemo next Friday the 17th. She is determined to go to each night of the Miss Utah competition the following week to support Caroline. I am worried about her getting worn out with so many days out, but she is adamant about being there. So I will be cheering loudly for two girls...two fierce warriors LOL. The plan this week is build Shea's body up, get it stronger and then go in for another attack on the cancer. And we vow to keep the road construction on the way to Salt Lake into perspective...but that is going to be a tough one.....