The Secret

Okay....I know it has a been a long, dry spell of no information shared through the blog, but I am not going to provide any excuses...I have enjoyed every moment away. Just kidding. In fact, the reason that I have not blogged until now is because I am a mean and ornery person who couldn't think of a single positive thing to share. Not one. And even though I had several people beg, plead and threaten me to write some more, I absolutely refused. Because, I really wasn't in that great of a frame of mind. Talk about a yo-yo of emotions! If I wasn't already menopausal, I'd think I was going through menopause (sorry to all the men reading this....I'm sure your eyes are burning and the words 'too much information' are war-chanting through your brains). Anyway, I think I'm coming out from the dark side...it has taken a lot of coke, candy and tears, but I'm starting to feel a bit of a groove again. Shea had met with a team of doctors to discuss 'options'. When Huntsman called, they said she would be meeting with a Dr. Lowe. I said, "Dr. Lowe as in L-O-W-E?" and the nurse confirmed that I was correct. When Shea and Kelt got to the Huntsman, imagine their surprise when they were told that a Dr. Lowe did not exist. Turns out, the physician is from somewhere in the orient, no one knows how to spell or pronounce his name (I still don't know who the sam-hill he is, or what his name really is) and he answers to the name of Eugene. Does that crack anyone else up? Eugene? Really? Wouldn't Bob be better? or Blade? But Shea's new team doctor is Eugene. It was decided that the best thing to do next is surgery on her liver. Rather than go in and start cutting, we have opted for a less invasive form of surgery. Essentially they will go through the groin and place little balls coated in chemo into the liver. The balls will then migrate/or be placed in such a way as to cut off the blood supply to the largest tumor in the liver. If all goes well, we will repeat the procedure a couple of weeks later. It is a fairly easy operation, so to speak, but the problems involved for Shea are two-fold. The first problem is the fact that she has to be awake the entire time. She can't even be semi-asleep. This operation takes 3-6 hours, so that is a long time to try to not psych yourself out. Eugene was kind enough to also tell us that the liver spasms to try to get rid of the little balls, so it is excruciatingly painful afterward. She will have to stay at the Huntsman until the pain is under control. I hope that part does not take too long. We have known for a couple of weeks that surgery was pending, and Huntsman told us they would let us know exactly when. Well, they just told us at around noon today, and surgery is tomorrow. In the morning...at 9. Thank goodness Kelt and I have such fabulous bosses or we would be in trouble. Shea put it very well..."Sometimes they act like...'Well, you have cancer. It isn't as if you are doing anything else other than lying around. We'll get to you when we get to you'" So now we are in super-pack and plan mode. On the upside to all of this....Thanks to a wonderful, insightful friend and at team of other super-wonderful friends, Shea has been given a fun activity to look forward to. A friend has organized a complete bedroom make-over, including a new comfy, adjustable bed. So while Shea is in the hospital, this team will be moving in and redoing the hovel that she has been consigned to. And when I say hovel, I mean hovel. The wallpaper in this room dates from the 30's ....it is oh so attractive. The lighting is a stupid bulb. We have been meaning to address the issue, but just didn't have the time or energy, so I am so grateful to everyone involved. Malt-O-Meal donated $850.00 which went toward the bed, and several other individuals have participated, as well. So once again, I am struggling for words adequate enough to say Thank You. Because sometimes, Thank You just doesn't cut it. For me, it isn't about the bed, or the paint or the ceiling fan/light...it is about Shea smiling and being excited and not focusing on this stupid operation that we have to do. That has meant the world. Someone asked me today what helps the most, and I would have to say...anything that puts some "happy" into her life. That's the secret. Speaking of the secret....that is a book another friend has given me to read. She was telling me today that everything that I put out into the world will come back to me.....kind of like wicked karma/universe garbage/mother's curse....you get the idea. So to all those people that I have wanted to punch lately (you don't know who you are, but I am positive it isn't anyone reading this) or to the one I want to run over (you know who you are...you might be reading this)...I am saying I forgive you....I am moving forward and hopefully upward....I am determined to be happy....and we are going to get through the next week smoothly and without any extra stress or pain. Coke and candy and tears will help....and that's my secret.