Short and Sweet

Shea had another round of chemo yesterday. We think that they finally have the right doses of everything since this seems to be going much smoother. She even felt good enough to eat a baked potato during her infusion. You should have seen the horrified look on a couple of doctor's faces when I put an entire stick of butter on it, followed up with a bunch of cheese and sour cream. I think they were waiting for me to have a stroke right there on the spot. I left them speechless when I smiled and said, "Hey, it takes a lot of work and sacrifice to keep a figure like mine". I could tell one was dying to say "Do you own a mirror?" hahaha. Shea even made the comment that in the past she would have worried about the calories, so it is fun that they are telling her to eat more of the 'bad' stuff. They sent us into the back, private room with the bed for this infusion, so that meant that I was privileged enough to take a nap on the killer loveseat. I am gearing up to begin sewing a few voodoo dolls....a project apparently long overdue:). This week we are going to sit down as a family and see if we can squeeze a little bit of Summer into our plans. I've been so busy, I haven't been able to read or even think thoughts hahaha, so today will be a very short post....Shea wants Mac and Cheese and I am just the one to get it for her...

Homeless

I have to start out with a BIG Thank You to everyone who helped us "travel" a little bit away from ourselves. It was fun to read your posts and think about where we would like to vacation, when given a chance. Life has started to feel like it has a "normal" flow to it lately. Days moving along....dishes in the sink....children bickering......ahhhhh! Just like the good old days LOL! Since my life has started to fall into a manageable routine, I started to read a few books. Anyone who knows me really well, knows that I like to read three or four books at a time. It stretches the really good ones out so that they aren't over in a flash, and it helps be get through the informational ones without getting bored.....it is just how my ADHD works hahaha. In the midst of all of this reading, Shea has been doing some living. She has had some good visits with some great friends and she has been able to do a few things with them. Last night I thought I would have a stroke watching Shea and Bella (our little pest of a black cock-a-poo dog that I adore even though she drives me crazy) run around the house chasing each other. It was so unexpected ....Shea just burst from her room and the games began...what fun! Everything continues to go well for Shea, and we are grateful for every moment we get to spend together. She told me the other day that she has always loved the things I have to say...I seriously wondered if the morphine levels were too high, 'cuz that was way funny to me! I had to remind her of high school and all the eyeball rolls she gave me. Friday will be our countdown for three more chemo sessions before being presented with the options. I am excited, but also scared....the known evil is easier to handle than the unknown one...but I am excited to hear what the team of doctors will say. Now that I have rambled a bit, I will get back to the topic of today...So I have read or am reading a wonderfully eclectic line-up......"50 Things Your Colo-Rectal Surgeon May Not Tell You", "Cold Sassy Tree", "Chocolat", "Health and Healing", "The Seduction of Water", "Driving With Dead People" and "Same Kind of Different As Me " (since I haven't had the opportunity to read much lately, I am acting like an addict left alone in the marijuana field....wallowing in my addiction and loving every minute of it.....at least that is what I imagine an addict in a marijuana field would do, as I can't speak from personal experience...although I did see an entire village getting their groove on once in Mexico while the police burned about a ten acre field of marijuana....and they looked just as happy as I have felt while reading....in my pajamas....all day....you get the idea) and when I haven't been reading, I have been listening to a CD of quotes by Mister Rogers....so now you know how close I am to falling off the deep end. It turns out Mr. Rogers was a pretty smart guy, and I get a kick out of the fact that he was a hard-chargin' vet who wore that sweater to cover up all of the tattoos that he got while serving his country....and who knew that he had a lot of smart things to tell children (and adults) on how to get along in this world. I have to admit that as a child, I was somewhat bored by Mr. Rogers....I was more an Electric Company kind of girl, but as an adult...I can really admire what he did with his life. So there I was listening to Mr. Rogers one day and he said something that explains, in part, some feelings that people who are struggling ( or who have struggled) with cancer feel. He said " What has been important in my understanding of myself and others is the fact that each one of us is so much more than any one thing. a sick child is much more than his or her sickness, a person with a disability is much, much more than their handicap, a pediatrician is more than a medical doctor. You're much more than your job description, or your age, or your income or your output.". Sha and I had just been discussing how she is now and forever....Shea with cancer; and that is hard, when she longs to just be Shea...undefined by the disease that grips her. We have a friend who shared with us that even after five years of being cancer-free, she is still being defined by it. Sometimes in our struggle to move through this life as quickly and painlessly as we can, we define ourselves and others according to our own past or present circumstances. I know I do it all the time.....determining who and what people are, based on what I can see or experience when I am around them. That is why reading "The Same Kind of Different As Me" really hit home for me. For some reason, when I went to get a book from the bookstore, I was drawn to this one. As I began reading, I was intrigued by the story.....and then I was floored to read about a diagnosis of colon cancer that had spread to the liver....and the strength and faith of the people involved. So I want to share some of the ideas that I read ....words of wisdom from a man who was homeless for decades......"There's somethin' I learned when I was homeless. Our limitation is God's opportunity. When you get all the way to the end of your rope and there ain't nothin you can do, that's when God takes over.". And each day that goes by shows me the truth of that statement more and more.....we are all here on earth doing the best we can to make it through whatever stands in our way, and at some point we all reach the end of our ropes, but that is when God takes over. Sometimes it is in a sunrise or a sunset, or in a smile, or a good night's sleep, or in a book you pick up and unexpectedly gain a stronger testimony from. I have been so worried about all the earthly things....health, wealth, happiness, etc ( how to get them, how to keep them, what to do with them when I have them, what to do with them when I don't) that I have lost sight of the fact that I need to get out of God's way, trust him and totally let go. And that is exactly what Peter did when he was walking on the water....trusting God and letting go. And that is what I started out on this journey doing, but somewhere in the middle of life, I forgot to live and see life. So I am grateful to a sweet, homeless man in Texas who taught me more than words or feelings will ever express, and I will end with paraphrasing his final words in the book....."I used to spend a lot of time worrying that I was different from other people, even from other homeless folks....But I found out everybody's different-the same kind of different as me. We're all just regular folks walkin down the road God done set in front of us. The truth about it is, whether we is rich or poor or something in between, this earth ain't no final restin place. So in a way, we is all homeless-just workin our way toward home." So I am learning to trust God and let go on my journey home and hopefully, God will take my limitations and create His opportunities with them. I think that would make the journey worthwhile.....

Armchair Travelers

We just got back from the Huntsman. Chemo day was switched this week to Saturday since Shea needed to undergo a little procedure Friday morning. It seems that the tumor in the colon that was almost obstructing the bowel has shrunk enough that the stent that was placed there had slipped off and migrated down, so it needed to be removed. Her colo-rectal surgeon feels like it does not need to be replaced at this time, so that is also good news. Saturdays at the Huntsman are much more relaxed than on the weekdays. I think if the word got out, most patients would have chemo on a Saturday....it is so quiet and relaxing. The nurse today told me that if we come again on a Saturday, I could sleep in one of the beds while Shea received treatment. Awesome! Either I looked really tired/old and haggard/sick or all of the above, for her to suggest such a thing, but hey....I am so going to take her up on it if I ever get the chance :). they have reduced the amount of chemo that Shea will receive each time, and it seems to really be helping. She is talking about enrolling in a "nail" class this fall. She is beginning to feel like she can maybe start driving and getting out a little bit more. It is nice to see her start feeling better and begin to make plans for the future. She slept through most of today's treatment, so on the way home we had Chick-Fil-A (really good fast food, but it doesn't compare to a steak as an after chemo treat haha). After writing about being "normal", it seems as if the good Lord is granting that wish (maybe I had better write about the desire to be rich and skinny and see if that gets me anywhere LOL). I am enjoying the feeling of normalcy that we have been able to start to feel over the last couple of days....gives me hope and a spring in my step. The only thing missing is a little bit of travel...or a camping trip or two. That is the stuff that is hard to do when you are starting out on the cancer road. Shea and I were talking about how exciting it is that we have over 80 followers reading the blog (she thinks it is cool that so many people care about her....I just feel sorry that I am torturing so many people on a fairly regular basis), and we know that many more are reading it that have not become followers. Soooooo..........we are curious about where the readers are coming from. We know several in Utah, but does anyone want to post and tell us about your exciting surroundings? We are not able to travel...which we love to do....so this will give us a chance to see the world through your eyes. You can keep it anonymous, just tell us what you see.....fun things to do/eat/etc. We look forward to reading the comments.....you could say it is what we live for. So how about helping out a couple of armchair travelers? We hope it will be fun for everyone involved!